


Sweet Talking

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7208039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I did this off-the-cuff ficlet in response to this kinkmeme  http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/21013.html?thread=53146901#t53146901:</p><p>"Wanda tells Vision to "talk dirty" to her ... he takes it too literally and ruins the mood.</p><p>+ if she complains to one of the other avengers<br/>++ the other avenger tries to help Vision out<br/>+++ vision gets it right after some tutoring"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Talking

"You look rather gloomy today," said Natasha as she sat next to Wanda on the living room couch of her private quarters. She made them both some tea. Into each mug, she had added a couple teaspoons of jam each to sweeten the strong hot liquid as well as a few drops of lemon juice. She handed Wanda one while she kept another for herself. 

"It's nothing," said Wanda.

"It's not nothing if you're gloomy about it and asking to talk where Vision won't phase in by accident."

"Well, he's pretty quiet when we're . . ."

"Having sex?"

"Yes, so I asked him to talk dirty. I figured he must have a huge vocabulary so . . ."

"Hmm," said Natasha. "It didn't work."

"He thought I wanted to talk about mud."

It was her training that kept Natasha from snorting. Snorting usually interrupted juicy confidences. "Ah . . ."

"He gave me a science lecture about the various components of soil." It was profoundly odd to hear him suddenly talk about how hard soil that was like clay could be amended with the help of earthworms and compost. He then went on a tangent about whether or not the soil of Mars could have possibly grown potatoes . . .

"I'm not sure why he'd talk about that. You're going to have to sit down and tell him what you like . . . before the others fill his head with nonsense."

"Others . . ."

"Like Tony . . ."

Wanda facepalmed.

***

"You did what?" said Clint as he put down his mug of beer. He knew that drinking while talking with Vision usually meant a loss of good booze sprayed through the mouth. He had been the only one with Vision at the Towers' bar until Tony and Thor had noticed them talking and joined in despite being actively discouraged. 

"She wanted me to talk about dirt then she was angry when I did," said Vision, looking rather confused.

"No, she meant filthy, panty-wetting naughty smut," said Tony. My poor boy, he thought, so confused by the ladies.

"Why did you think she wanted to talk about actual dirt?" said Clint.

"I thought it might be a kink I had never heard of," said Vision.

You're so overthinking this, thought Tony. 

Thor said, "She wanted to hear you say she's beautiful."

"I tell her that all the time," said Vision. This was in fact true. 

"She means in a sexy way," said Clint. 

"I could use the word 'sexy,'" said Vision.

"That is a good start," said Thor. "I tell Jane that the sight of her succulent valley makes my staff strong and powerful. It makes her laugh."

"I don't think the point is to make her laugh," said Clint. "Don't listen to them, listen to me. I actually know what I'm doing."

"Hey!" said Tony. "I have had a lot of sex with a lot of different women."

Clint gave Tony the side eye. "He's trying to keep the one he has. I don't think Wanda wants Vision to start sounding like a bad porno. Let me think about what I say."

Vision nodded to show that he was listening and to encourage further discourse. Body language was such an odd thing to master.

"Ever since Laura has had kids, she's been a bit down on her body," said Clint.

"She's a lovely lady," said Thor. The others murmured their concurrence.

"I know that, you know that and most of the time she knows that. However, telling her that she's the only one you're hot for is good. I like to tell her that her breasts are just as fabulous as the day I met her."

"So, it's reassurance," said Vision.

"It's appreciation," said Clint. "You could tell her that you can't get enough of her sweet ass or that the sight of her drives you wild. I'm a straightforward guy so I want to keep things simple."

Thor said, "That's not bad. I prefer to use a little more poetry and metaphor."

"Whatever you do, find out what she doesn't like. Some women like it when you use words like 'hot slut' and many will just make you sleep on the couch for the rest of the week," said Tony. 

"I think I will stay away from anything derogatory unless specifically requested," said Vision. "Thank you all, you have given me much to think about."

"Are you sure you don't need more advice?" said Clint. 

"I think the main point is that I should talk about her desirability. I can do that."

***

The next time they saw each other in a hallway, Wanda and Vision said, "I'm sorry . . ." at the exact same moment. 

"Oh, you should go first," said Vision.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you." She had gotten a bit of a heads up from Clint about why Vision had gone on such a tangent. She felt so terribly dumb once she was clued in. 

"I should have gotten clarification," said Vision. 

"I heard they gave you tips." Wanda was both very curious and inwardly cringing at the possible results.

"Yes," said Vision. "Perhaps we should take this to a place more private."

Once the door to her room was closed, he said, "I just want you to know how much I desire every atom of you, that your body is a garden of delights and my desire is to be the only gardener."

Wanda smiled. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> According to wiki, jam is often used to sweeten tea in Russia and lemon is also often used. Another website also mentioned jam. 
> 
> I just don't see Vision was being terribly potty mouthed. I mean it would be hilarious to hearing him go "Oh, baby, baby, your ass sets me on fire" but . . . that doesn't strike me as quite right. 
> 
> Currently fiddling with a Stucky fic and a Hannibal as a humanoid insect fic.


End file.
